When I read that Nicola Sturgeon wants to chop off the bottom of all the classroom doors in Scotland to increase ventilation my first thought was why don’t they open the windows instead? Decades from now as people wander through Scottish schools with doors like no others in the world, they might be curious about the phenomenon of the Scottish door. It locks, but small people or at least children can crawl through the bottom. Perhaps this was a Scottish way of trying to redistribute wealth. Each word a teacher spoke could be heard from the corridor outside. Perhaps this was a way to make sure nothing subversive was being taught, such as that the miracles needed for the beatification of the blessed Nicola were not genuine. But while Scottish doors let in fire through the bottom, the SNP continued to tell visitors to Scotland about the benefits of Scottish fire doors, which although failing to stop the spread of fire did let those trapped to escape. They were clearly superior to English doors.

Want to see more SNP fails? – Education Matters

Sign up to receive our weekly newsletter and join the fightback against Scottish Nationalism.