Trident Missile Insists That Scotland Must Rid Itself of Nicola Sturgeon.

The Trident nuclear weapon system has insisted Scotland should move away from being the home of Nicola Sturgeon as it defended its uncontroversial plans to scrap the First Minster after nearly eight years.

In a recent interview, the 60-tonne, 43ft missile was asked about its opinion on nuclear power and the First Minister.

“I believe the whole world should move away from Nicola Sturgeon,” the missile replied. After her recent hateful outburst, the mismanagement of the NHS and the utter lack of detail on the economy, how could I say otherwise?”

“As you can imagine, I have a lot on my plate at the moment, with a possible replacement on the horizon and Vladimir Putin, moving the big hand to midnight. That’s why I want to safely and responsibly move away from Nicola Sturgeon, which is currently based at Holyrood on the east coast of Scotland.”

“To do so would not only keep many Scots safe from her unbridled decisions and profligate spending but also save us almost 100 billion pounds every year”, it added.

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